Aftermath Continued
by D. Ladris
Summary: Set six weeks after the Sam, Astrid and Diana are trying to adjust to life outside of the Although Diana is finding that terrible events are repeating
1. Chapter 1

It had been six weeks. Six weeks since the FAYZ ended. Six weeks in a clean apartment, with an abundance of food and water. But Astrid had learnt a deep lesson about waste, and vowed to never leave a scrap of food or a drop of water without a use. She sat in the study, staring at the white blankness of the new document on the laptop screen. She couldn't bring herself to write those terrible things, to relive them in her mind. Silly of her to say she'd write about the times in the FAYZ. Silly girl. Another mistake to add her long list of faults.

She opened the drawer to the desk and took out a ziplock bag of weed. She'd never quite been able to kick the habit. In Sam's absence it was the only thing that eased her mind and stopped her collapsing into the enigma of her painful memories. She noticed that a bit had gone, probably Diana, Astrid hadn't done a very good job of hiding the stash. She wasn't angry at her, she knew that whatever pain she was feeling, it was a lot worse for Diana. She'd lost the boy she loved and the girl that could've loved her back. Diana had been through hell and back, but in a way they all had.

Astrid shut her laptop, in frustration and lit the drug. Filling her lungs with it's mellow taste. She exhaled and looked out of the window, the tress just outside of the room swayed lazily in the breeze. Astrid still found the breezes weird, there hadn't been any wind in the FAYZ.

Across the hall Diana sat on her bed, wearing the lacy lingerie from the island that Caine had so liked her in, she sat and re-read his's letter. It had become routine, each day before she went to sleep she'd re-read it and wear the lingerie. Hoping to see his face, feel his touch in her dreams, but she never did. Diana hadn't dreamt since the FAYZ. She felt numb: she had nothing to love, nothing to feel. She folded the letter up and placed it back in it's envelope, she stroked the writing. Her name in Caine's neat writing. His fingers had touched this envelope like her's where now, his touch lingered on the creamy paper. Diana felt a sudden stirring in her stomach and fought the sudden urge to vomit. She leapt off of her bed and raced towards the bathroom before expelling the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl.

"Diana?"Astrid said as she walked into the bathroom, ignoring Diana's attire.

"Must've been something I ate," Diana replied, not quite believing it herself. Astrid, not wanting to press her further, left the room without a further remark. Diana hadn't felt sick all day and this sudden urge to vomit was something she was all too familiar with. But it couldn't be…it just couldn't. She didn't allow herself to think it, it was better to suppress the thought than consider it and bring back all those painful memories. With a heavy heart she walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She filled a glass with water from the tap and went to sit at the counter. How weird, she thought: clean water, so easily acquired. She took a sip and set it back down, staring at the ripples in the surface that occurred whenever she tapped the side of the glass.

It was an hour later when Sam got home, he'd walked from Quinn's house which was only a few blocks away. He was supposed to be staying the night, his first night away from Astrid, but he couldn't do it. He needed her touch, her warmth. The reassurance that when he woke from his plagued nightmares she'd be there to hug and comfort him back to tranquility. He'd told Quinn and he'd understood. Quinn said that he had those nightmares too, who didn't. Only Lana, the endurable healer, had said she'd slept peacefully but Sam knew she was lying. Sam walked into the apartment and flicked on the lights, he was shocked to find Diana sitting there, tapping the glass monotonously. She still made him feel slightly awkward, even now after all they'd been through. This feeling was increased by the fact that she was wearing nothing apart from black lacy lingerie.

"Diana?" Diana woke as if from a deep sleep and turned her head towards Sam. After a few awkward moments Sam went towards her and helped her to stand, this wasn't the first time Diana had appeared absent. Initially after leaving the FAYZ Diana had seemed fine but as the loss seemed to sink in, she'd collapsed deeper and deeper into herself. Sam was beginning to get used to her episodes. Usually Astrid was the one to help her, but Sam guessed she was asleep and didn't want to wake her, he also didn't want her to think he was incapable of dealing with Diana himself. Sam guided Diana towards her bedroom and helped her onto her bed. He stood awkwardly in the room as he waited for her to get into bed.

"Thanks, Sam." She said so quietly, it was almost a whisper.

"Take care of yourself." He said as he shut the door behind him. There was something about Diana's melancholic moods that brushed off on him and left him feeling slightly empty himself. It made him think of Astrid, and what would happen to her if he ever left. Astrid. He walked into their room and there she was. A tangle of blond hair against the pillow. He undressed quietly, not wanting to wake her.

"Sam?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay, I wasn't asleep."

"Couldn't sleep?"

"Not without you"

He got into bed next to her and touched the soft porcelain of her cheek. He could see himself in the darkness of her pupils, large in the dull light. They kissed and all of Sam's doubts seem to fade away with the sweetness of her.

"I cant leave you, Astrid" He whispered. He could feel her smile through her kiss. The kisses got more intense and he let her take him away to a place where they both felt safe.

In the next room Diana lay, trying to ignore Sam and Astrid through the thin walls. It was times like this when she missed Caine even more, missed his lips, his touch, his very being moving with hers. But with that thought followed the thoughts of the child they'd created, the beautiful perfect little girl and the evil monster. One and the same. She could never have another child. The thought of that terrible infant condemned any possible child of hers to non-existence. Not without Caine anyway, she couldn't imagine herself with anyone that wasn't him, with anyone that didn't understand what they had been through, what they had done. Her hands stroked her stomach that had once been home to a monster and may very well, be home to something completely different now.


	2. Chapter 2

Diana woke, it was still early. Her room was basked in a grey light, she opened her curtains and the sunlight flooded the room. She stared out of the window, the sea was visible from the apartment. She watched the soft waves caressing the gentle shore. It reminded her of Caine's kiss: _"who would have guessed that egomaniacal, power-mad Caine would have such a gentle kiss?" _It reminded her of their time on the island. That she had stared out of the window in the mansion at these waters when she'd been with Caine, when he had kissed her and loved her and… There was no point in torturing herself with these thoughts, they wouldn't bring him back. But the most pressing memory was their very last moments together on the island, six weeks ago. It had been a while since Diana had kept track of her menstrual cycle but either way: she was late. Her hands moved to her stomach, no bump yet. Maybe she was just making all this up inside her head. Maybe she missed Caine so much that she was just clinging onto the tiny bit of hope that there may still be a piece of him left, growing inside of her. Her body was still recovering from her last terrible pregnancy and was still a wreck. But then again, last time she wasn't exactly at optimum health…Diana got changed into more modest clothes. She was slightly mortified at the thought that Sam and Astrid had seen her in her lingerie last night, it was for Caine only. She went into the kitchen and poured herself some cereal, fruit loops. She hated them but she couldn't complain, food was food and Sam and Astrid liked them. She owed them so much, including the bare remnants of her sanity.

Astrid heard Sam's soft snores on the pillow next to hers. She wanted to stay and lie with him but she had to get up. Some FAYZ survivors where visiting today and she had to get some stuff prepared. There councillors had told them all that it would be best if they didn't speak to each other. Stupid, Astrid had thought. The FAYZ survivors where the only faces she wanted to see, the only other humans in the world that had some sort of understanding about what had gone on. She hated the way the rest of the world tip-toed around them, like fragile bombs that might explode with a tap. The way the parents were disgusted by their own children, they would never admit it but the kids all knew. She was sick of it. Astrid put on her nightgown, the only thing she had taken from the FAYZ. It reminded her of the very few good things that had come from it: Sam. She walked into the kitchen to find Diana sitting at the counter eating cereal.

"Morning, feeling any better" Astrid said. Diana nodded even though she didn't, she didn't talk much these days. "I know you don't like that, you don't have to eat it." Diana set the spoon down.

"Thanks, Astrid. Had fun last night?" Diana smirked with a trace of her usual mockery. Astrid was slightly embarrassed at the prospect of being overheard, they had to do something about the thinness of the walls.

"Sorry, did we keep you up?"

"No, not at all. Don't worry, blondie" Astrid opened the fridge, she still felt a little shocked at the amount of food it contained. The amount of children that would have killed themselves for this, the amount that actually did.

"I used the last of the milk" Diana said.

"I'll go get some more, I need to go out anyway. Get some stuff for later. You know a few people are coming over?"

"What?" Diana said. Her shocked expression alarmed Astrid, she should of asked Diana before asking people round. Another mistake.

"Just Lana and some people, ones from inside"

"Oh."

"I'll go once I'm changed. Want to come with?"

"Yeah, sure. I mean, that'd be nice" Diana smiled.

Astrid and Diana walked down the aisles of the supermarket. The selection of food was still overwhelming to them. Once the cart was full the girls made their way to the checkout. On their way Astrid subtly attempted to place a box of condoms into the cart and Diana felt a wave of frustration at her and Caine's own failure to use them. All the death that could have been prevented. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Diana spotted something on the shelves, a home pregnancy test. She couldn't, but she could not. Diana didn't know what would be worse, for the test to be negative- Caine would be gone forever. Without a trace of him left, Diana would be alone. Or positive- the last pregnancy was one failure too many, what hope did any child have with a mother like her? Diana reached for the box and inspected the back. Accurate results in 60 seconds, detecting pregnancies from after three weeks.

"Diana?" Astrid asked. "Not again?" The girls laughed despite themselves but Diana's laugh was empty and before she knew it she was wiping away tears, in an attempt to shield her emotions from Astrid. Too late, Astrid had noticed. She touched Diana's arm, Astrid's touch was comforting.

"A few more for accuracy," Astrid said, placing two boxes into the cart. Diana with shaky hands placed the other one in the cart. Astrid took Diana's hand in hers and together they walked to the checkout.

Diana took the test out from the box and placed it on the toilet lid. She could hear Sam and Astrid laughing in the kitchen, preparing dinner for the guests that had not yet arrived. Astrid had told Diana that it would probably be best to wait until tomorrow, when it would just be Diana and Astrid in the apartment with Sam off surfing. But Diana couldn't wait, she had to know now. Diana read the instructions over and over, her thoughts too distracting for her to concentrate on the task at hand. Once she'd read it she followed them. Diana paced the small bathroom back and forth, waiting for the pregnancy test to reveal to her, her fate. The thirty seconds was up but Diana was too scared to look. Either way she'd be upset. She wanted to grab Astrid and ask her to read it, but she didn't want Astrid to know she'd taken the test without her and she needed to do this by herself. It was her problem not Astrid's. Astrid's nosiness had annoyed her, but it was a small price to pay for a home. Diana forced herself to look at the test. She laughed despite herself, it was what she had expected. There was no need to take a test in the first place. It was positive. Diana took Astrid's advice and repeated the test three more times. All the same results. Diana attempted to suppress the panicky feeling that was rising inside of her, she could not let her mind wander to the thoughts about that terrible monster. Gaia. God help her if her child was a daughter. She would never not be able to see Gaia in her daughter's eyes. Diana took the pregnancy tests and hid them in the same drawer she kept Caine's letters. She felt guilty. Even in death she still felt Caine's judgmental glare. He would not be pleased, he wasn't pleased the last time she got pregnant, that she remembered all to well. Maybe he'd changed. Maybe.

Diana forced a smile onto her face as Lana, Quinn, Dekka, Edilio, Roger and Albert arrived. It was weird to see them all clean and healthy. They all looked slightly fatter but they all wore that same haggard expression on their faces.

It had been a few weeks since Lana had seen some of the other survivors, she'd been in Las Vegas since the FAYZ ended. It was weird to go back, everything was normal, nothing had changed but she had. She no longer wore a gun and the admirable title of healer. But she didn't miss it. Not even one bit. She still smoked and drank. It was hard not to. Even though she knew the gaiaphage was gone and dead, she swear she could still feel it's icy touch in her mind from time to time.

"Do you mind if I smoke in here?" She asked

"Not at all" Sam said. "What you've been up to, Lana?"

"Absolutely nothing. Just the way I like it." She said with a smile.

They sat around the huge table that had never been used before. Astrid brought out a chicken that her and Sam had cooked earlier.

"I definitely do not miss rat." Quinn said, digging into the chicken.

"I remember how happy I felt when I caught a big one" Roger said.

"Yeah well, that's over now." Edilio said placing a hand on Roger's shoulder. They shared a look of love that no one could deny.

"I ate some kids cat" Dekka said, her words hollow. Diana was not the only one that had lost someone dear to her. Diana felt sick in this conversation as she remembered the worst thing that she had ate. No amount of therapy was going to allow her liberation from that haunting terrible thought.

"I'll eat all your chicken if you don't eat it soon" Quinn laughed, lightening the mood. Diana was grateful.

"So how you lot doing?" Roger asked.

"Great. Well, what you would consider to be great." Sam said. "But the nightmares…" He trailed off his voice suddenly chocked with emotion. Astrid placed a hand on his cheek.

"Sam" She said. Her voice was all the comfort he needed.

"I get them too, man" Edilio said.

"Same here, dude" Quinn added. Lana felt a discomfort, she had nightmares. Worse than you could imagine. So bad that they didn't always wait until night to plague her. They'd come in the day when she'd be at home watching TV or trying to read a book. Walking with Patrick always eased her mind. Patrick kept her sane. And the one time Sanjit had stayed over, she hadn't seem him a lot as he still lived in LA while she lived in Vegas, which was hours away. She pitied him, he still lived where he had lived before. He still lived in the area that had been known as the FAYZ. He still lived in the mansion that had once been home to Diana and Caine and Albert. A house so full of painful memories and suffering. Lana didn't know how Sanjit could sleep at night. Not only that but he could see the remnants of Perdido Beach from his bedroom. Those horrific events replaying in his memory daily. That must suck, Lana thought. They finished off the meal and Edilio, Roger, Albert, Dekka and Lana left to go home. Sometimes it got to painful to stay, they needed time for themselves. Quinn and Sam sat on the couch playing a video game that they had played before the FAYZ. Neither of them was that interested in it anymore. The violence seemed like a mockery. Sam switched off the set.

"I'm kind of looking forward to tomorrow, you know. Get back out there" Sam said.

"Yeah, dude. It's been a while since we caught waves together"

"Man, we had some good timed."

"We sure did, Sam. We sure did," The boys smiled at each other, hopeful that tomorrow would bring comfort to there stained souls.


	3. Chapter 3

For the first time in three months, Diana dreamt. She dreamt of Caine. In her dream he was standing in front of her, wearing that arrogant glint in his eye. Diana had reached out to touch him but some invisible barrier had stopped her. She had been trapped in her own personal FAYZ. Seeing Caine that close but being unable to reach out and touch him had been torturous, even if it was only in a dream. Diana lay awake in bed, not wanting to get up and face reality. She wanted, needed her mind to remain in that translucent hallucinated state, in the hope that the dream would come back to her fevered mind and she could see Caine again. She could hear the familiar sounds of movement through the walls. Sam and Astrid where waking up. Diana realised that she had been unconsciously stroking her stomach, what chance did this poor child have?

Diana lay on the examination table with her shirt pulled back to reveal the stretched drum of her pregnant stomach. Astrid sat on a seat by Diana, holding her hand. Diana didn't need her there but Astrid had persisted on coming. Diana wanted to avoid arguing at all costs, and that meant putting up with Astrid's need to know everything about everybody. Including her unborn baby. The doctor spread some gel over her stomach, it was cold.

"How many weeks are you?" The Doctor asked.

"Twenty" Diana replied. Had it really been that long? Her previous pregnancy had been that long.

"Half way!" The Doctor smiled. It made Diana feel sick. The Doctor pointed to the monitor behind him.

"Can you see that?" Diana craned her neck to try and spot something that resembled a human being, but no such luck.

"There's the head, and that's a foot" Astrid said, pointing to the monitor. Diana saw it and her heart stopped. That was her baby. Her's and Caine's. So perfect and complete. Diana felt an odd surge of love and irrational protection over this child. It scared her how much she loved it. Astrid squeezed Diana's hand, usually it would have annoyed her but it was a comfort.

"Would you like to know the gender of your baby?"

"Errrrr" Diana said. She didn't, if she found out it was a girl she might not be able to continue the pregnancy. The memories of Gaia were still fresh wounds in the sensitive flesh of her mind. Each suggestion of another daughter opened the wounds and caused panic to flow like blood from the metaphorical wounds in her mind.

"Yes" Astrid answered for her. The word escaped her mouth before she had the change to think about it. Shocked at her own spontaneity Astrid slapped her hand over her mouth but the word had already escaped. She had wanted to make things right by this baby. Care for it the way she should have cared for Petey. Right so many wrongs. Astrid was hoping that this baby would be her release to some sort of redemption, for her to prove her worth as a human being. Astrid had condemned any thought about bearing children herself before but this was causing her to question her previous decision. Diana shot Astrid a poisonous look, Astrid realised then that finding out the gender of this baby had not been Diana's wish. She remembered Gaia and how hard it must be for her. She wouldn't want a girl because it would remind her of Gaia and Astrid doubted she wanted a son, a it would remind her of its devilish father.

"You're having a baby boy" The Doctor smiled at Diana. Relief crossed Diana's features, her dark eyes spilled tears. Astrid handed her a tissue. Diana mopped the tears from her face and laughed, a sweet sound of relief.


End file.
